New Site!

I'm switching publishing software and domain names. You can now find me at Adventures of an Urban Housewife. Adjust your links accordingly and then come on over for exciting adventures in Kirsten-land.

Modern Woman

I was thinking about this recently and maybe when I don't have a baby demanding all my attention, I will talk more about it, but here is a poem I wrote junior year of college. Ages ago.

Do you see me? I live, unashamedly, with my boyfriend

In a shabby apartment with two cats - I never do dishes

My hands turn bright radish red and burn when I scrub

The remnants crusting along the bottom of pots, bowls.

I learned how to knit this weekend - I've always known

I think, something ingrained in my fingers which proved

Unsuited for musical instruments, a failure at violin

Barely passable at piano, enough for a girl like me.

I was never meant to have a 4.0, never meant to go to

This school, I've been found to be unoriginal

Not remotely interesting. I was meant to make small talk with

A cocktail in one hand while my husband made business deals.

I bake cookies, brownies and muffins for fun instead of

Reading Nabokov or learning about Attitudes Based on

High Consumer Effort - I prefer to sew, knit, embroider

While watching TLC's Trading Spaces.

I think I will be a housewife when I grow up - marketing

Is not for me. I will put up with dishpan hands, clean up

After two cats and send three kids to school, hoping they will

Do something with their lives - I will become my mother.

Four Months: Addendum

Look who's eating solid foods! Day one with the baby cereal resulted mostly in stuff running out of Lorelei's mouth, but she seems to like it so far.

Four Months

Dear Lorelei,

Another month has gone by too quickly. And I know what you're going to say: of course it went by too fast, it was February and there are only twenty-eight days (twenty-nine if it's a Leap Year) in February. Well, Miss Smartypants, you are correct but that doesn't change the fact that it feels like time is speeding by at a record pace.

You've started this month out with a bang. Or should I say a scream. As in, you spent all of this afternoon and evening screaming because you got your shots today. Can we talk about how upsetting that is for poor mommy?

You've gotten so big, although you are still so small. Eleven whole pounds and one ounce, not quite double what you weighed when you were born. You can sit up now, albeit with someone or something propping you up, but you don't lean over to the side as much anymore. You can push yourself up when you're on your tummy and scoot yourself just a fraction of an inch in the direction you want to go. You've gotten so strong that you can pull your elephant toy to make it play without any help. Sometimes, I'll be sitting here typing away and I'll be surprised by the sudden music. This morning you detached your zebra (still your favorite toy) from not only the gym but also its ring.

Littlest girl, time may be going by so quickly, but there are days when it feels like you've always been here. The perfect completion of our little family. Just do me a favor and don't grow up too fast, I still like snuggling in bed with you.

Love always,

Your Mother

You Know You've Been Projecting Your Bad Mood When...

...You go to the same coffee shop (or in this case, tea room) two days in a row and the staff comments on how much more chipper you are than usual.

---

It was one of those moments that made me realize how much I just need to snap out of it. Sure, some days still suck a lot, but I've got it really good. I have a husband who not only will take over baby care for a few hours so I can relax, but actually offers. I got to go out, drink copious amounts of iced tea, eat the largest slice of devil's food cake known to man, and relax in the most comfy armchairs ever manufactured. I would seriously consider breaking in one day just so I could steal these chairs, take them home with me and then park my butt on them for all eternity.

Today, I feel better. Perhaps fueled by caffeine and a maple log from Quik Trip. Perhaps because I went to church for the first time in weeks. Perhaps because I have gotten multiple nights of halfway decent sleep in a row. Or perhaps its just because of this:

Because I am a Geek.

I think most of you have probably seen one or both (looking at you Kate!) of these, but I'm geeking out over here and had to share. Watch and enjoy.

You Say Hoosier Like It's a Bad Thing

hoosier: n. any awkward, unsophisticated person, especially a rustic.

---

I'm not sure if this is always true; but here in St Louis, you aren't a redneck, you're a hoosier. And we don't mean a person from Indiana. That's Hoosier, with a capital H.

I never claimed to be elegant and sophisticated. I enjoy a disgusting fast food hamburger as much as a nice dinner at the Melting Pot.

Okay. That's not entirely true. I enjoy the Melting Pot far more; however, there are days when only a Steakburger from Stack 'n Shack will satisfy. And I draw the line at White Castle. I will never ever eat there again after they gave me cheese fries when I asked for a Sprite. No lie. And it was gross.

But the day I realized I might be a bit of a hoosier was when we put the plastic over our windows.

The joy of living in a hundred-year old house - in addition to the fact that it leans slightly to one side - is the complete lack of insulation. Seriously. Put your hand against one of the walls and you can feel how cold it is outside. Oh and the rehabbers who did such a wonderful job (sarcasm) also didn't put up double-paned windows, they stuck with the cheap and single-paned job that has probably been up for many many years. Um, hi. We live in a city which reaches the single digits in the winter and the triple digits in the summer, are you idiots?

Well, we haven't been able to replace them yet because there were more pressing concerns - ie the cracked joists in our roof and the crumbling chimneys - but we had to come up with some sort of temporary solution so we didn't freeze in the winter or run up a ridiculous electric bill. Hence the plastic sheets. They work. Really. Unfortunately, our basement/bedroom window was too cold to adhere directly to the window itself, so it is attached to the wall. Also, unfortunately, I have dumb cats. Who tried to jump up there and punched a hole in the plastic. Did we put up a new sheet? No, we fixed it with duct tape.

Okay, maybe when we fixed it with duct tape did I realize we were a hoosiers. But that's not a bad thing. And at least Brian doesn't mow the lawn in nothing but a wife beater and jorts like our neighbor. Now that's hoosier.

A Reminder

It is worth it.

Every bad day.

Every day when it feels like I'm never going to get this right. Every day when she just cries and cries and I don't know why.

Even though her cries make my heart hurt, I know it's not (usually) my fault.

When she smiles. Or laughs. Or gurgles. Or grabs hold of me.

She is worth it.

---

And my week started out so well. I was very productive Monday morning. Went out to lunch with the hubby and then did my weekly Target run out in Brentwood. (Why am I driving twenty minutes when there are two Targets closer to my house? Because this one has a real grocery section and everything is cheaper than Schnuck's) This weeks meals were planned and purchased.

Tuesday morning was okay too. This is probably the most progress I've made on my weekly to do list in awhile. But oh dear Lord! Tuesday afternoon sucked the big one. Little peanut would not nap. She was tired. And at first I thought she was going to be real good because it only took about 15 minutes to get her calmed down for her nap; however, the second I had finished up the last few things I wanted to do and then lay down for my nap, she woke up with a vengeance. She was still tired, but no amount of coaxing would convince her to go back to sleep. So she was a whiny crankypants all afternoon and into the early evening.

And then she spent an hour and a half screaming at the top of her lungs when it was time for bed. There didn't seem to be anything wrong - no fever or anything like that - but she refused to eat and refused to be put down. I know this happens sometimes and you just have to ride it out, but I was in tears thinking I was a horrible mother.

So I'm reminding myself how much this little girl is worth it.

Because she is.

Potty Mouth

Question: What is your policy on swearing in front of your children?

---

I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the line, I became a potty mouth. There are times when I swear like a sailor on leave. I didn't use to. At least, I don't think I did. In high school, in addition to being a goody-goody straight A student, I was like the tamest, most well-behaved teenager on the planet. Or, at least, that's how I remember it, my parents may disagree. But I never swore and I would feel embarrassed when I heard other people swearing. What the shit happened?

Now, I have to make a conscious effort to not swear. I let pretty much everything else slide, but the one thing I'm trying to never say in front of my daughter is the F-word. I have slipped once or twice, when I fell out of the rocking chair and took the skin of my knee or when I got cut off by some stupid bitch on her cellphone who didn't see her exit. Those are the two most recent incidents that I can think of.

I've been told not to worry about it too much since she isn't talking yet, can't repeat what I say and doesn't even understand it yet. And while Brian hopes her first words are "demon bear", I live in fear that her first words will be "Why are you driving like a douchebag?"

I also worry that, once she's in school, she will say something along the lines of, "Two plus two is four, BITCHES!" And then we'll be called into the principal's office for a talking to. The scenario I have in my head is this: because our daughter is such a potty mouth I will have to organize a bake sale (I don't know how this relates to swearing, but my mind works in mysterious ways). Do you know what I would say?

"I will organize the shit out of a bake sale, BITCHES!"

Oh crap.

Hello March!

Apparently I'm not the only person who has a bad relationship with February.

But February is finally over and March is here! Let the rejoicing begin!

Spring is right around the corner; although, I'm sure St Louis will fuck me over with a freak snow storm in April like it usually does. And that means Spring clothes. Much as I love my sweaters, I can't wait to wear t-shirts again. I can't wait to take a brisk walk around the "lake" in Carondelet Park. I can't wait to go to the Botanical Gardens while things are blooming and go to the zoo while the animals aren't hiding from the cold.

It is time to shake off the crap that has been the first two months of this year. This is what I get to look forward to this month:

• Lorelei is four months old. FOUR! What the crap?
• Brian turns 30. THIRTY! Such an old man.
• Spring cleaning. Time to get rid off all of that stuff I don't need. Which means...

Nothing like casting off all the crap and giving the house a thorough cleaning to make you feel better. Plus, you get to help people too.

P.S. March also means baseball season is only one month away! Squee!

Positive Thoughts for this Week

I think February hates me. For serious.

It seems like every year, around this time, I go through a really down period. Everything sucks. Even when good things are going on, it still feels like it sucks. So, once again, I bring you the good things that happened to Kirsten this week:

1. I bought a pink purse from Target. My weakness for accessories is well-known and although I shouldn't have, I did. I actually saw it and told myself that if I still wanted it after I had finished my real shopping, I could get it. How can you say no to a pink purse? It screams, Spring is here! And when winter has sucked as much as mine, that is exactly what I needed.

2. Tahitian Twist from Benton Park Cafe. Three Olives Espresso Vodka in a blended vanilla latte. Party in my mouth!

3. I made chili. At six in the morning. Mostly because I couldn't go back to sleep. But since I did it while the rest of the house was asleep, there were no interruptions and it had a good long time to sit and let all the flavors marry and become delicious. As we all know, reheated chili is the best kind.

4. I have decided to purge my closets. If anyone in the St Louis area (or hell, even if you aren't, I can mail things) is interested in gently used clothes (medium, 10-12 and some large sizes), shoes (size 8) and bags let me know. You can have whatever you like before I take them to either the thrift store - if they aren't douche canoes like they usually are and actually take my clothes - or Goodwill.

5. Finally finished The Help. I know I normally do a separate book post, but I don't feel like it this week. Let's just say I really enjoyed it and recommend to anyone who hasn't already read it.

Okay. That's all for now. Back to work on my Slytherin scarf for husband

For Sale

For Sale: One old life, slightly used. Includes outfits that were barely worn and a degree that was never used. Slightly damaged but in good condition.

---

AndreAnna was talking yesterday on her blog about living simpler. She's preparing to move halfway across the country, so downsizing her stuff makes sense. I don't have the excuse of a move, but I do have a need to do the same.

I look around my house and I see so many things that I just don't need anymore. I have business suits and blazers, dress pants and nice tops from my brief stint as a shift supervisor. If it hadn't been for a craptacular shift of doom and me being blamed entirely for it and then, without being told, no longer scheduled for those shifts, I might still be at that job. I might still have a use for all those nice clothes. But where would I use them now? Part of me wants to hang onto them in the hope that maybe one day I will figure out what it is I want to do and return to work. Deep down, however, I know that I won't. I never want to work a soul crushing job ever again; be it shift supervisor at a restaurant or lowly office drone.

Then there is everything else. A random collection of stuff that I don't really need. Books and movies I will never read or watch again no matter how much I liked them. Crappy fleece blankets, old pillows, boxes of mystery items that have been unopened since our move four years ago.

I wish someone would come into my house and do the purging for me. I won't be able to do it myself because I will always come up with some lame excuse for keeping things. But I don't need them.

I don't need all this stuff.

I Can't

I promised myself that I would try not to be so negative this week.

Today I can't.

I just can't.

Trivia Nights are Serious Business

I have never been a social butterfly. Do people still use that term? I prefer a quiet night in with a book and my husband, snuggling in bed. Or sipping a glass of wine and watching a movie. I used to go out more. Not just before the baby was born, it has been several years. Going out after a long shift at [redacted] was just what we did. Myself and the other servers would go to Growlers and drink beer or go to Houlihan's (classy, eh?) and have martinis. But then I got married. My close friends who I worked with there moved away and I didn't much feel like going out without them. Then I changed jobs and was up at 3:45 in the morning four or five days a week and on the days when I didn't have to get up early the next morning I was too exhausted to do anything else.

Hell must have frozen over because I had not one, not two, but three things planned for this weekend.

Friday evening, my friend Desiree invited me out for dinner and drinks at the Scottish Arms since she had an online friend (see it can be done!) visiting from out of town. Husband stayed home with baby and I went out hoping to have a good time. Which I did. Black and Tans make everything better. And so do pasties (and by pasties, I don't mean the things strippers wear to cover their nipples). Afterwards, we headed out to the City Museum. I apologize to my non-St Louis readers that I didn't bring my camera so you all could know what I'm talking about, but think giant playground. Somewhere in one of the tunnels when my knees started hurting, I realized that I'm getting far too old for this. It's fun and there is booze (although I didn't have any this time) but the next several days when your shins and elbows are entirely bruises it's hard to remember how fun it was.

Of course, when Momma's away, baby is cranky. She woke up four times Friday night, so in addition to being sore and slightly headachy from the two drinks I had the night before, I was also exhausted. But Saturday means Knitty Knerds day! Myself and my old lady young and hip knitting friends gather and work on our various projects of the yarn variety. I finally finished my Christmas presents this week. And only two months late! We also enjoyed the wonderfully terribleness that is Ella Enchanted. That's right, I like cheesy chick flicks. Anyone have a problem with that?

Saturday evening was event number three. I told you there were three things! My friend's fiancé was turing 32, that old man, so she arranged a surprise for him which was a whole group of us going to a trivia night at the Botanical Gardens. Now, I don't know about other parts of the country, but here in St Louis, trivia nights are serious business. Everyone is super competitive and usually everyone goes all out bringing their own food and wine. (Because of a contract the gardens have with a catering company, outside food was not allowed, but a delicious buffet and Schlafly beer was provided.) I am convinced that the table that won was a bunch of cheaters since they got way too many questions right considering how hard some of them were, but we came in a respectable fifth out of twenty. Not too shabby. Plus there were mustaches:

That is my dear friend Meredith's husband. I hope he doesn't mind that I posted this picture for all of the internet to see.

Technically I had a fourth thing planned for Sunday - going to see Shutter Island - but I was so exhausted I could barely move yesterday. I didn't manage to be upright for more than fifteen minutes at a time until about 5:30 that evening. Despite the tiredness and the still massively bruised body parts, I had a really great time and I hope the awesomeness will extend to this week. I would really like to make it through one week that doesn't suck total ass.

On the Road to Positivity

I am trying.

I am trying to be positive.

Life has really been getting me down recently. For a lot of reasons. Reasons that I am somewhat reluctant to discuss in such a public forum.

Let's just say, things in the financial area have been going really badly. I thought we had sorted it out, but it turns out we didn't. I hate mortgage lenders. That extra income you need from us would require me to go back to work full time which means we would have to get full time child care which means that extra income doesn't do us any good.

Our chimney was finally fixed today. But it turns out the second chimney was in even worse shape. There's another chunk of money we don't have gone.

I've been sick. Brian's been sick. He whines like a little girl when he's sick and it annoys me. He gets a break from everything because he gets to go to work. Where he can close the door and not actually do any work at all if he wants. I don't get a break. I have to drag my sick-ass out of bed and take care of another human being all day long. I love her so I don't really mind, but it is exhausting and I never really get a chance to get healthy again.

I'm overwhelmed. I feel like crying all the time. But I am attempting to be positive. I'm on my way. I will focus on the things that make me happy. Like the fifteen minutes I get to myself driving out to Starbucks for a Caramel Apple Spice (What can I say? I'm obsessed). Or reading a really good book. Or this adorable hat that I just received in the mail:

Seriously. Been coveting this since before Lorelei was born.

This weekend I have plans. Substantial ones for the first time in three-plus months. Tonight is dinner out with the girls at the Scottish Arms. Beer! And tomorrow is super secret surprise for friend's fiancé's birthday. Maybe a good weekend will help me on my road to positivity.

How to Make Friends...

...or, could someone please tell me how to make friends cause I suck at it?

This post has been kicking around in my brain for the last week, which might have something to do with my rather light posting recently. But ever since my mini-breakdown last Monday night - trust me, you don't want to know the details - this is something that has really been bothering me.

At the risk of sounding all woe-is-me-my-life-sucks-so-much: I am a terrible friend. Well, terrible at keeping friends. I hate to text. I hate to talk on the phone. And I am probably the worst person to send an e-mail to since I always forget to reply. Thank goodness for things like Facebook and Twitter but even with the wonders of modern technology, I still suck at it. It's a great way to sorta kinda know what people who I used to be much closer with are up to these days but it also makes me feel extremely guilty for not keeping in better touch with everyone. If you don't live in the same city as me, it is quite possible that we aren't going to keep in touch and if you do live in the same city, there is still no guarantee. There are friends of mine who I rarely see and when I do it is never planned. For example, I was at that mall and saw that my friend Sarah had started working at [redacted] again and I had no clue.

Or here's another thing, seeing that a guy I had a crush on in high school (if you're reading this, Hi Aaron!) is facebook friends with my brother and then I got all weird and self-conscious and fretted for three days about whether or not I should friend him because even though we're both married with kids I still felt like that awkward fourteen year old and worried that he would deny my friend request. Or that he would think I was some kind of weird stalker loser. I don't know how to start talking to him again but I would really like to because, hey he has kids too and maybe that would make me feel less totally weird about having a baby.

That's another thing. I have started to feel increasingly more isolated now that I've had Lorelei. Not because I don't have really great friends who are incredibly eager to help me out in anyway that they can, but I don't have anyone I'm really close to who is also a mother - since I can't really count my best friend from elementary school since she lives all the way in England now. I really wish there was someone out there either here or on the interwebs that I could connect with. Who would say, "Yeah, sometimes parenthood sucks but it's going to get better." I don't know how to go about making friends with people on-line. I know there are people out there who do it but I don't get it. Should I keep commenting on their blogs and twitter and hope that maybe one day they'll notice me and say, "You seem not loser-y at all. Let's be friends." I want that.

Okay, yeah. It's taken me a whole day to write this and now I feel weird so if you've stuck with me through the end of this, suggestions are welcome.

Big Girl

I'm A Badass

Well, not really. But I do have those songs that when they start playing on iTunes that I what to put on my knee-high boots and a leather jacket and start kicking ass. Songs that scream, "Time to wear ridiculous amounts of leather!" Here are my songs:

1. "Sabotage" by The Beastie Boys: Do I really need to explain this one?

2. "Love Me Dead" by Ludo: This song can be described best by one single line, "You're hideous and sexy!"

3. "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse: I would like to thank Guitar Hero for introducing me to this band. This song is actually what inspired this post.

4. "The Little Things" by Danny Elfman: Ah Wanted! It was a horrible and yet delightfully fun movie. And who knew Danny Elfman could sing?

5. "Short Skirt/Long Jacket" by Cake: No explanation necessary.

6. "Get Out of My Way" by Cowboy Mouth: It's a shame that there are only two original members left in this band, it used to be one of the best live concerts out there. This song still kicks ass though!

7. "Fat-Bottomed Girls" by Queen: We make the rocking world go 'round.

There's my short list of bad ass songs. What are yours?

This Week in Books 2/3-2/11

So this week was basically sucktacular and my reading time severely limited. I did, however, manage to finish one book. Quickly, before little bit decides she needs my full and undivided attention (Just as I wrote this sentence, she crapped her pants. My life is awesome!):

Shades of Grey: The Road to High Saffron

By Jasper Fforde

Pages: 390

If you have read any Jasper Fforde - by the way, how the heck do you pronounce that, is it like Smith or something, silly Welshmen - I guarantee you will like this. Man I love me some delicious dystopian fiction. Here's the gist: the world is run based on what and how much color you can see. Most people can only see one. Of course, on the surface, everything is hunky-dory but there is a disturbing secret of how they keep the society running so smoothly. A little bit darker than the Thursday Next series, but with the same amount of dry humor and obscure references.

Up next: Trying to finish The Help for book club by Monday. Fingers crossed.

Lorelei's Schedule

I have determined - although I could be wrong because I don't really know what I'm talking about - that if Lorelei does not adhere to a pretty strict schedule, she becomes a horrible cranky demon child. I shouldn't complain too much since she is generally well-behaved in public - even during church! - and sleeps for most of the night no problem. But if her day does not go exactly as planned, she loses her shit and will not calm down. This has caused me to have a few minor break downs over the last few days. In order to keep her happy, this is what our day looks like:

7:30-8 am: Wake up. Change disgustingly soaked through diaper. (We use cloth diapers, so we have to use two overnight and they are both soaked in the morning). Change clothes and feed.

8-8:30 am: Play time. Either on the gym or with me or both depending on her mood. This is usually when I start doing chores since she is pretty self-sufficient while playing.

8:30-9:30 am: Change diaper (again). Either sit quietly in her swing while I shower or use the computer. Poop. Get cranky so I have to hold her.

9:30-10:15 am: Second breakfast and brief morning nap.

10:15 am - 12ish pm: Cuddle with mommy. Or lay on the boppy while I do laundry. Eat. Afternoon nap time around 12 or 12:30.

3 pm: Wake up from nap. Change and feed. This is the best time to do errands since it doesn't interfere with her usual nap time.

5 pm: Evening nap.

8-8:30 pm: Cranky pants. Time to get ready for bed. Although she usually won't go to sleep until after 9.

4-4:30 am: Time for late night feeding and then back to bed

It's not all terrible. Like I said, when she is in a good mood and we stick to the schedule, I get things done and she's not too cranky, but I sometimes worry that I am raising a baby who is going to be very spoiled and picky as she gets older. Hrm.