Potty Mouth

Question: What is your policy on swearing in front of your children?

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I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the line, I became a potty mouth. There are times when I swear like a sailor on leave. I didn't use to. At least, I don't think I did. In high school, in addition to being a goody-goody straight A student, I was like the tamest, most well-behaved teenager on the planet. Or, at least, that's how I remember it, my parents may disagree. But I never swore and I would feel embarrassed when I heard other people swearing. What the shit happened?

Now, I have to make a conscious effort to not swear. I let pretty much everything else slide, but the one thing I'm trying to never say in front of my daughter is the F-word. I have slipped once or twice, when I fell out of the rocking chair and took the skin of my knee or when I got cut off by some stupid bitch on her cellphone who didn't see her exit. Those are the two most recent incidents that I can think of.

I've been told not to worry about it too much since she isn't talking yet, can't repeat what I say and doesn't even understand it yet. And while Brian hopes her first words are "demon bear", I live in fear that her first words will be "Why are you driving like a douchebag?"

I also worry that, once she's in school, she will say something along the lines of, "Two plus two is four, BITCHES!" And then we'll be called into the principal's office for a talking to. The scenario I have in my head is this: because our daughter is such a potty mouth I will have to organize a bake sale (I don't know how this relates to swearing, but my mind works in mysterious ways). Do you know what I would say?

"I will organize the shit out of a bake sale, BITCHES!"

Oh crap.