New Site!

I'm switching publishing software and domain names. You can now find me at Adventures of an Urban Housewife. Adjust your links accordingly and then come on over for exciting adventures in Kirsten-land.

Modern Woman

I was thinking about this recently and maybe when I don't have a baby demanding all my attention, I will talk more about it, but here is a poem I wrote junior year of college. Ages ago.

Do you see me? I live, unashamedly, with my boyfriend

In a shabby apartment with two cats - I never do dishes

My hands turn bright radish red and burn when I scrub

The remnants crusting along the bottom of pots, bowls.

I learned how to knit this weekend - I've always known

I think, something ingrained in my fingers which proved

Unsuited for musical instruments, a failure at violin

Barely passable at piano, enough for a girl like me.

I was never meant to have a 4.0, never meant to go to

This school, I've been found to be unoriginal

Not remotely interesting. I was meant to make small talk with

A cocktail in one hand while my husband made business deals.

I bake cookies, brownies and muffins for fun instead of

Reading Nabokov or learning about Attitudes Based on

High Consumer Effort - I prefer to sew, knit, embroider

While watching TLC's Trading Spaces.

I think I will be a housewife when I grow up - marketing

Is not for me. I will put up with dishpan hands, clean up

After two cats and send three kids to school, hoping they will

Do something with their lives - I will become my mother.

Four Months: Addendum

Look who's eating solid foods! Day one with the baby cereal resulted mostly in stuff running out of Lorelei's mouth, but she seems to like it so far.

Four Months

Dear Lorelei,

Another month has gone by too quickly. And I know what you're going to say: of course it went by too fast, it was February and there are only twenty-eight days (twenty-nine if it's a Leap Year) in February. Well, Miss Smartypants, you are correct but that doesn't change the fact that it feels like time is speeding by at a record pace.

You've started this month out with a bang. Or should I say a scream. As in, you spent all of this afternoon and evening screaming because you got your shots today. Can we talk about how upsetting that is for poor mommy?

You've gotten so big, although you are still so small. Eleven whole pounds and one ounce, not quite double what you weighed when you were born. You can sit up now, albeit with someone or something propping you up, but you don't lean over to the side as much anymore. You can push yourself up when you're on your tummy and scoot yourself just a fraction of an inch in the direction you want to go. You've gotten so strong that you can pull your elephant toy to make it play without any help. Sometimes, I'll be sitting here typing away and I'll be surprised by the sudden music. This morning you detached your zebra (still your favorite toy) from not only the gym but also its ring.

Littlest girl, time may be going by so quickly, but there are days when it feels like you've always been here. The perfect completion of our little family. Just do me a favor and don't grow up too fast, I still like snuggling in bed with you.

Love always,

Your Mother

You Know You've Been Projecting Your Bad Mood When...

...You go to the same coffee shop (or in this case, tea room) two days in a row and the staff comments on how much more chipper you are than usual.

---

It was one of those moments that made me realize how much I just need to snap out of it. Sure, some days still suck a lot, but I've got it really good. I have a husband who not only will take over baby care for a few hours so I can relax, but actually offers. I got to go out, drink copious amounts of iced tea, eat the largest slice of devil's food cake known to man, and relax in the most comfy armchairs ever manufactured. I would seriously consider breaking in one day just so I could steal these chairs, take them home with me and then park my butt on them for all eternity.

Today, I feel better. Perhaps fueled by caffeine and a maple log from Quik Trip. Perhaps because I went to church for the first time in weeks. Perhaps because I have gotten multiple nights of halfway decent sleep in a row. Or perhaps its just because of this:

Because I am a Geek.

I think most of you have probably seen one or both (looking at you Kate!) of these, but I'm geeking out over here and had to share. Watch and enjoy.

You Say Hoosier Like It's a Bad Thing

hoosier: n. any awkward, unsophisticated person, especially a rustic.

---

I'm not sure if this is always true; but here in St Louis, you aren't a redneck, you're a hoosier. And we don't mean a person from Indiana. That's Hoosier, with a capital H.

I never claimed to be elegant and sophisticated. I enjoy a disgusting fast food hamburger as much as a nice dinner at the Melting Pot.

Okay. That's not entirely true. I enjoy the Melting Pot far more; however, there are days when only a Steakburger from Stack 'n Shack will satisfy. And I draw the line at White Castle. I will never ever eat there again after they gave me cheese fries when I asked for a Sprite. No lie. And it was gross.

But the day I realized I might be a bit of a hoosier was when we put the plastic over our windows.

The joy of living in a hundred-year old house - in addition to the fact that it leans slightly to one side - is the complete lack of insulation. Seriously. Put your hand against one of the walls and you can feel how cold it is outside. Oh and the rehabbers who did such a wonderful job (sarcasm) also didn't put up double-paned windows, they stuck with the cheap and single-paned job that has probably been up for many many years. Um, hi. We live in a city which reaches the single digits in the winter and the triple digits in the summer, are you idiots?

Well, we haven't been able to replace them yet because there were more pressing concerns - ie the cracked joists in our roof and the crumbling chimneys - but we had to come up with some sort of temporary solution so we didn't freeze in the winter or run up a ridiculous electric bill. Hence the plastic sheets. They work. Really. Unfortunately, our basement/bedroom window was too cold to adhere directly to the window itself, so it is attached to the wall. Also, unfortunately, I have dumb cats. Who tried to jump up there and punched a hole in the plastic. Did we put up a new sheet? No, we fixed it with duct tape.

Okay, maybe when we fixed it with duct tape did I realize we were a hoosiers. But that's not a bad thing. And at least Brian doesn't mow the lawn in nothing but a wife beater and jorts like our neighbor. Now that's hoosier.

A Reminder

It is worth it.

Every bad day.

Every day when it feels like I'm never going to get this right. Every day when she just cries and cries and I don't know why.

Even though her cries make my heart hurt, I know it's not (usually) my fault.

When she smiles. Or laughs. Or gurgles. Or grabs hold of me.

She is worth it.

---

And my week started out so well. I was very productive Monday morning. Went out to lunch with the hubby and then did my weekly Target run out in Brentwood. (Why am I driving twenty minutes when there are two Targets closer to my house? Because this one has a real grocery section and everything is cheaper than Schnuck's) This weeks meals were planned and purchased.

Tuesday morning was okay too. This is probably the most progress I've made on my weekly to do list in awhile. But oh dear Lord! Tuesday afternoon sucked the big one. Little peanut would not nap. She was tired. And at first I thought she was going to be real good because it only took about 15 minutes to get her calmed down for her nap; however, the second I had finished up the last few things I wanted to do and then lay down for my nap, she woke up with a vengeance. She was still tired, but no amount of coaxing would convince her to go back to sleep. So she was a whiny crankypants all afternoon and into the early evening.

And then she spent an hour and a half screaming at the top of her lungs when it was time for bed. There didn't seem to be anything wrong - no fever or anything like that - but she refused to eat and refused to be put down. I know this happens sometimes and you just have to ride it out, but I was in tears thinking I was a horrible mother.

So I'm reminding myself how much this little girl is worth it.

Because she is.

Potty Mouth

Question: What is your policy on swearing in front of your children?

---

I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the line, I became a potty mouth. There are times when I swear like a sailor on leave. I didn't use to. At least, I don't think I did. In high school, in addition to being a goody-goody straight A student, I was like the tamest, most well-behaved teenager on the planet. Or, at least, that's how I remember it, my parents may disagree. But I never swore and I would feel embarrassed when I heard other people swearing. What the shit happened?

Now, I have to make a conscious effort to not swear. I let pretty much everything else slide, but the one thing I'm trying to never say in front of my daughter is the F-word. I have slipped once or twice, when I fell out of the rocking chair and took the skin of my knee or when I got cut off by some stupid bitch on her cellphone who didn't see her exit. Those are the two most recent incidents that I can think of.

I've been told not to worry about it too much since she isn't talking yet, can't repeat what I say and doesn't even understand it yet. And while Brian hopes her first words are "demon bear", I live in fear that her first words will be "Why are you driving like a douchebag?"

I also worry that, once she's in school, she will say something along the lines of, "Two plus two is four, BITCHES!" And then we'll be called into the principal's office for a talking to. The scenario I have in my head is this: because our daughter is such a potty mouth I will have to organize a bake sale (I don't know how this relates to swearing, but my mind works in mysterious ways). Do you know what I would say?

"I will organize the shit out of a bake sale, BITCHES!"

Oh crap.

Hello March!

Apparently I'm not the only person who has a bad relationship with February.

But February is finally over and March is here! Let the rejoicing begin!

Spring is right around the corner; although, I'm sure St Louis will fuck me over with a freak snow storm in April like it usually does. And that means Spring clothes. Much as I love my sweaters, I can't wait to wear t-shirts again. I can't wait to take a brisk walk around the "lake" in Carondelet Park. I can't wait to go to the Botanical Gardens while things are blooming and go to the zoo while the animals aren't hiding from the cold.

It is time to shake off the crap that has been the first two months of this year. This is what I get to look forward to this month:

• Lorelei is four months old. FOUR! What the crap?
• Brian turns 30. THIRTY! Such an old man.
• Spring cleaning. Time to get rid off all of that stuff I don't need. Which means...

Nothing like casting off all the crap and giving the house a thorough cleaning to make you feel better. Plus, you get to help people too.

P.S. March also means baseball season is only one month away! Squee!

Positive Thoughts for this Week

I think February hates me. For serious.

It seems like every year, around this time, I go through a really down period. Everything sucks. Even when good things are going on, it still feels like it sucks. So, once again, I bring you the good things that happened to Kirsten this week:

1. I bought a pink purse from Target. My weakness for accessories is well-known and although I shouldn't have, I did. I actually saw it and told myself that if I still wanted it after I had finished my real shopping, I could get it. How can you say no to a pink purse? It screams, Spring is here! And when winter has sucked as much as mine, that is exactly what I needed.

2. Tahitian Twist from Benton Park Cafe. Three Olives Espresso Vodka in a blended vanilla latte. Party in my mouth!

3. I made chili. At six in the morning. Mostly because I couldn't go back to sleep. But since I did it while the rest of the house was asleep, there were no interruptions and it had a good long time to sit and let all the flavors marry and become delicious. As we all know, reheated chili is the best kind.

4. I have decided to purge my closets. If anyone in the St Louis area (or hell, even if you aren't, I can mail things) is interested in gently used clothes (medium, 10-12 and some large sizes), shoes (size 8) and bags let me know. You can have whatever you like before I take them to either the thrift store - if they aren't douche canoes like they usually are and actually take my clothes - or Goodwill.

5. Finally finished The Help. I know I normally do a separate book post, but I don't feel like it this week. Let's just say I really enjoyed it and recommend to anyone who hasn't already read it.

Okay. That's all for now. Back to work on my Slytherin scarf for husband

For Sale

For Sale: One old life, slightly used. Includes outfits that were barely worn and a degree that was never used. Slightly damaged but in good condition.

---

AndreAnna was talking yesterday on her blog about living simpler. She's preparing to move halfway across the country, so downsizing her stuff makes sense. I don't have the excuse of a move, but I do have a need to do the same.

I look around my house and I see so many things that I just don't need anymore. I have business suits and blazers, dress pants and nice tops from my brief stint as a shift supervisor. If it hadn't been for a craptacular shift of doom and me being blamed entirely for it and then, without being told, no longer scheduled for those shifts, I might still be at that job. I might still have a use for all those nice clothes. But where would I use them now? Part of me wants to hang onto them in the hope that maybe one day I will figure out what it is I want to do and return to work. Deep down, however, I know that I won't. I never want to work a soul crushing job ever again; be it shift supervisor at a restaurant or lowly office drone.

Then there is everything else. A random collection of stuff that I don't really need. Books and movies I will never read or watch again no matter how much I liked them. Crappy fleece blankets, old pillows, boxes of mystery items that have been unopened since our move four years ago.

I wish someone would come into my house and do the purging for me. I won't be able to do it myself because I will always come up with some lame excuse for keeping things. But I don't need them.

I don't need all this stuff.

I Can't

I promised myself that I would try not to be so negative this week.

Today I can't.

I just can't.

Trivia Nights are Serious Business

I have never been a social butterfly. Do people still use that term? I prefer a quiet night in with a book and my husband, snuggling in bed. Or sipping a glass of wine and watching a movie. I used to go out more. Not just before the baby was born, it has been several years. Going out after a long shift at [redacted] was just what we did. Myself and the other servers would go to Growlers and drink beer or go to Houlihan's (classy, eh?) and have martinis. But then I got married. My close friends who I worked with there moved away and I didn't much feel like going out without them. Then I changed jobs and was up at 3:45 in the morning four or five days a week and on the days when I didn't have to get up early the next morning I was too exhausted to do anything else.

Hell must have frozen over because I had not one, not two, but three things planned for this weekend.

Friday evening, my friend Desiree invited me out for dinner and drinks at the Scottish Arms since she had an online friend (see it can be done!) visiting from out of town. Husband stayed home with baby and I went out hoping to have a good time. Which I did. Black and Tans make everything better. And so do pasties (and by pasties, I don't mean the things strippers wear to cover their nipples). Afterwards, we headed out to the City Museum. I apologize to my non-St Louis readers that I didn't bring my camera so you all could know what I'm talking about, but think giant playground. Somewhere in one of the tunnels when my knees started hurting, I realized that I'm getting far too old for this. It's fun and there is booze (although I didn't have any this time) but the next several days when your shins and elbows are entirely bruises it's hard to remember how fun it was.

Of course, when Momma's away, baby is cranky. She woke up four times Friday night, so in addition to being sore and slightly headachy from the two drinks I had the night before, I was also exhausted. But Saturday means Knitty Knerds day! Myself and my old lady young and hip knitting friends gather and work on our various projects of the yarn variety. I finally finished my Christmas presents this week. And only two months late! We also enjoyed the wonderfully terribleness that is Ella Enchanted. That's right, I like cheesy chick flicks. Anyone have a problem with that?

Saturday evening was event number three. I told you there were three things! My friend's fiancé was turing 32, that old man, so she arranged a surprise for him which was a whole group of us going to a trivia night at the Botanical Gardens. Now, I don't know about other parts of the country, but here in St Louis, trivia nights are serious business. Everyone is super competitive and usually everyone goes all out bringing their own food and wine. (Because of a contract the gardens have with a catering company, outside food was not allowed, but a delicious buffet and Schlafly beer was provided.) I am convinced that the table that won was a bunch of cheaters since they got way too many questions right considering how hard some of them were, but we came in a respectable fifth out of twenty. Not too shabby. Plus there were mustaches:

That is my dear friend Meredith's husband. I hope he doesn't mind that I posted this picture for all of the internet to see.

Technically I had a fourth thing planned for Sunday - going to see Shutter Island - but I was so exhausted I could barely move yesterday. I didn't manage to be upright for more than fifteen minutes at a time until about 5:30 that evening. Despite the tiredness and the still massively bruised body parts, I had a really great time and I hope the awesomeness will extend to this week. I would really like to make it through one week that doesn't suck total ass.

On the Road to Positivity

I am trying.

I am trying to be positive.

Life has really been getting me down recently. For a lot of reasons. Reasons that I am somewhat reluctant to discuss in such a public forum.

Let's just say, things in the financial area have been going really badly. I thought we had sorted it out, but it turns out we didn't. I hate mortgage lenders. That extra income you need from us would require me to go back to work full time which means we would have to get full time child care which means that extra income doesn't do us any good.

Our chimney was finally fixed today. But it turns out the second chimney was in even worse shape. There's another chunk of money we don't have gone.

I've been sick. Brian's been sick. He whines like a little girl when he's sick and it annoys me. He gets a break from everything because he gets to go to work. Where he can close the door and not actually do any work at all if he wants. I don't get a break. I have to drag my sick-ass out of bed and take care of another human being all day long. I love her so I don't really mind, but it is exhausting and I never really get a chance to get healthy again.

I'm overwhelmed. I feel like crying all the time. But I am attempting to be positive. I'm on my way. I will focus on the things that make me happy. Like the fifteen minutes I get to myself driving out to Starbucks for a Caramel Apple Spice (What can I say? I'm obsessed). Or reading a really good book. Or this adorable hat that I just received in the mail:

Seriously. Been coveting this since before Lorelei was born.

This weekend I have plans. Substantial ones for the first time in three-plus months. Tonight is dinner out with the girls at the Scottish Arms. Beer! And tomorrow is super secret surprise for friend's fiancé's birthday. Maybe a good weekend will help me on my road to positivity.

How to Make Friends...

...or, could someone please tell me how to make friends cause I suck at it?

This post has been kicking around in my brain for the last week, which might have something to do with my rather light posting recently. But ever since my mini-breakdown last Monday night - trust me, you don't want to know the details - this is something that has really been bothering me.

At the risk of sounding all woe-is-me-my-life-sucks-so-much: I am a terrible friend. Well, terrible at keeping friends. I hate to text. I hate to talk on the phone. And I am probably the worst person to send an e-mail to since I always forget to reply. Thank goodness for things like Facebook and Twitter but even with the wonders of modern technology, I still suck at it. It's a great way to sorta kinda know what people who I used to be much closer with are up to these days but it also makes me feel extremely guilty for not keeping in better touch with everyone. If you don't live in the same city as me, it is quite possible that we aren't going to keep in touch and if you do live in the same city, there is still no guarantee. There are friends of mine who I rarely see and when I do it is never planned. For example, I was at that mall and saw that my friend Sarah had started working at [redacted] again and I had no clue.

Or here's another thing, seeing that a guy I had a crush on in high school (if you're reading this, Hi Aaron!) is facebook friends with my brother and then I got all weird and self-conscious and fretted for three days about whether or not I should friend him because even though we're both married with kids I still felt like that awkward fourteen year old and worried that he would deny my friend request. Or that he would think I was some kind of weird stalker loser. I don't know how to start talking to him again but I would really like to because, hey he has kids too and maybe that would make me feel less totally weird about having a baby.

That's another thing. I have started to feel increasingly more isolated now that I've had Lorelei. Not because I don't have really great friends who are incredibly eager to help me out in anyway that they can, but I don't have anyone I'm really close to who is also a mother - since I can't really count my best friend from elementary school since she lives all the way in England now. I really wish there was someone out there either here or on the interwebs that I could connect with. Who would say, "Yeah, sometimes parenthood sucks but it's going to get better." I don't know how to go about making friends with people on-line. I know there are people out there who do it but I don't get it. Should I keep commenting on their blogs and twitter and hope that maybe one day they'll notice me and say, "You seem not loser-y at all. Let's be friends." I want that.

Okay, yeah. It's taken me a whole day to write this and now I feel weird so if you've stuck with me through the end of this, suggestions are welcome.

Big Girl

I'm A Badass

Well, not really. But I do have those songs that when they start playing on iTunes that I what to put on my knee-high boots and a leather jacket and start kicking ass. Songs that scream, "Time to wear ridiculous amounts of leather!" Here are my songs:

1. "Sabotage" by The Beastie Boys: Do I really need to explain this one?

2. "Love Me Dead" by Ludo: This song can be described best by one single line, "You're hideous and sexy!"

3. "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse: I would like to thank Guitar Hero for introducing me to this band. This song is actually what inspired this post.

4. "The Little Things" by Danny Elfman: Ah Wanted! It was a horrible and yet delightfully fun movie. And who knew Danny Elfman could sing?

5. "Short Skirt/Long Jacket" by Cake: No explanation necessary.

6. "Get Out of My Way" by Cowboy Mouth: It's a shame that there are only two original members left in this band, it used to be one of the best live concerts out there. This song still kicks ass though!

7. "Fat-Bottomed Girls" by Queen: We make the rocking world go 'round.

There's my short list of bad ass songs. What are yours?

This Week in Books 2/3-2/11

So this week was basically sucktacular and my reading time severely limited. I did, however, manage to finish one book. Quickly, before little bit decides she needs my full and undivided attention (Just as I wrote this sentence, she crapped her pants. My life is awesome!):

Shades of Grey: The Road to High Saffron

By Jasper Fforde

Pages: 390

If you have read any Jasper Fforde - by the way, how the heck do you pronounce that, is it like Smith or something, silly Welshmen - I guarantee you will like this. Man I love me some delicious dystopian fiction. Here's the gist: the world is run based on what and how much color you can see. Most people can only see one. Of course, on the surface, everything is hunky-dory but there is a disturbing secret of how they keep the society running so smoothly. A little bit darker than the Thursday Next series, but with the same amount of dry humor and obscure references.

Up next: Trying to finish The Help for book club by Monday. Fingers crossed.

Lorelei's Schedule

I have determined - although I could be wrong because I don't really know what I'm talking about - that if Lorelei does not adhere to a pretty strict schedule, she becomes a horrible cranky demon child. I shouldn't complain too much since she is generally well-behaved in public - even during church! - and sleeps for most of the night no problem. But if her day does not go exactly as planned, she loses her shit and will not calm down. This has caused me to have a few minor break downs over the last few days. In order to keep her happy, this is what our day looks like:

7:30-8 am: Wake up. Change disgustingly soaked through diaper. (We use cloth diapers, so we have to use two overnight and they are both soaked in the morning). Change clothes and feed.

8-8:30 am: Play time. Either on the gym or with me or both depending on her mood. This is usually when I start doing chores since she is pretty self-sufficient while playing.

8:30-9:30 am: Change diaper (again). Either sit quietly in her swing while I shower or use the computer. Poop. Get cranky so I have to hold her.

9:30-10:15 am: Second breakfast and brief morning nap.

10:15 am - 12ish pm: Cuddle with mommy. Or lay on the boppy while I do laundry. Eat. Afternoon nap time around 12 or 12:30.

3 pm: Wake up from nap. Change and feed. This is the best time to do errands since it doesn't interfere with her usual nap time.

5 pm: Evening nap.

8-8:30 pm: Cranky pants. Time to get ready for bed. Although she usually won't go to sleep until after 9.

4-4:30 am: Time for late night feeding and then back to bed

It's not all terrible. Like I said, when she is in a good mood and we stick to the schedule, I get things done and she's not too cranky, but I sometimes worry that I am raising a baby who is going to be very spoiled and picky as she gets older. Hrm.

3 Months

Dear Lorelei,

Another month has gone by too quickly. It seems like just yesterday I was sitting down to write one of these for your two month birthday. What has happened this month?

You have started to sleep through the night. Whenever I say that, its as if there is a choir of angels in my head singing the "Hallelujah" chorus. Perhaps I am tempting fate by letting the world know of your excellent sleeping habits, but I want to shout it from the rooftops! MY DAUGHTER SLEEPS FOR EIGHT HOURS! Usually. Unless your father keeps you up late to watch the end of the Superbowl. Ahem.

Speaking of which, last night you sat propped up on the couch - you can sort of sit up now but you still need a bit of help staying upright - and watched most of the game with us. At first we thought that perhaps you were a Colts fan because you smiled and made happy noises when the kicked that first field goal. And then you made distressed noises when the Saints scored in the second quarter. By the end of the game, however, I was sure you were going to start saying, "Who Dat!" Oh yeah, the Saints won!

One of my favorite things to do with you is to lay curled up in bed with you next to me. We'll be face to face and you'll reach out your little hand and grab my nose. Or my cheek fat. Or my eye. You have even managed to pull the glasses off my face. You'll just lay there smiling and cooing and generally being adorable. On the days when I'm not doing so well, that will always make me feel better.

Littlest peanut, last week we started dressing you in your three month clothes. I wanted to cry. You are growing up far too fast. It seems like just a few days ago you were so small that I could hold you in one arm and it wouldn't even be difficult. I will try to savor these moments because I know you won't be a baby forever.

Love,

Your Mother

Picture courtesy of Auntie Cecily

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Wednesday was a good day. Well, sort of. It was good in that Brian and I have made progress in bettering our financial situation. Without going into details because its a bit embarrassing, let's just say that we have managed to accumulate a serious amount of debt and if we wanted to continue with me not working and not drown in a pile of bills, something needed to be done. So, we had a meeting with Homestead Financial (for great mortgage rates call 800-GRANNY-8!) to refinance our house. This is a great time to do it since rates are low - we are currently paying somewhere in the 7 % range which is outrageous - and our house is worth significantly more than what we bought it for. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of ifs involved with this process. We'll save money IF it appraises for the amount we estimated. But at least we're making progress towards financial security.

So. Wednesday was good. Thursday sucked the big one. It started out with being out of syrup so I had to use honey on my waffles. I actually like honey on my waffles, but I was also almost out of honey so there wasn't enough to sufficiently smother them. Then I was planning a trip out to the Target Greatland because they have a big grocery section and its mostly cheaper than Schnuck's. I had wanted to print out some coupons at Brian's office - we don't own a printer - but it required a program to be installed and the network wouldn't let us. So, crappy mood continues. Yes, I recognize that this is some pretty stupid stuff to get upset about. After a somewhat unsuccessful shopping trip I came home feeling dizzy and nauseous and instead of wanting to nap, Lorelei decided she wanted to fuss all afternoon. I was this close to finding a convenient roof to jump off of. And because of my crappy day, I wasn't feeling up to going to the ECM board meeting which just made me feel worse.

I'm hoping that today will be better. Friday was pretty good, but it always seems that after a good day I have an even more horrible one. One step forward, two steps back.

Baby Takes Own Picture!

So the other day, in an attempt to keep Miss Lorelei Crankypants calm, I was sitting on the living room floor with her propped up on my knees. And since she was behaving, I thought What a great time to annoy her with the camera! So first, I took a regular picture:

And then she decided that playing with the camera would be fun - I think she was fascinated with the strap - so I let her "help" me with it. Behold her self-portrait:



Isn't she a cutie with her spit bubbles hanging out of her mouth?

This Week in Books 1/26-2/2

Coraline

By Neil Gaiman

Pages: 162

This is only the second book of Neil Gaiman's that I have read (technically third but since he co-wrote Good Omens with Terry Pratchett, I don't count that one). I love him. His books are dark and somewhat twisted and humorous. Although Coraline is essentially a children's book, it still has an element of horror to it which I love. Now I really want to go out and rent the movie version to see how it was interpreted. (Side note: I saw the movie Stardust before I read the book and I liked the movie version better - the book was still wonderful - I wonder how I'll feel about this one)

JPod

By Douglas Coupland

Pages: 464

If you have ever spotted this in the library or bookstore and thought it looked interesting, drop it like a hot potato. Okay, it was funny but it was also completely ludicrous. The people in it are horrible but not in an interesting way. As far as corporate satire goes, I have read better (see: Company by Max Barry). And then there are the random pages of numbers and words in oversized lettering inserted willy-nilly throughout the book as if he was trying to pad his page count. Grumble. I will admit that I'm going to try to read Microserfs - which I've seen good reviews for - before I completely give up on him as an author.

Well, the month of January has ended. To date I have read seven books (SEVEN!) and a total of 2,527 pages. Holy. Crap.

Further Late Night Tidbits

Last night, Brian and I were discussing the upcoming Trivia Night I want to attend (Julie, if you are reading this, yes I'm coming I'm just a forgetful bum and I haven't messaged you). It will be, in all likelihood my first real trip out sans baby. Because we are on a tight budget until we can get some of our finances straightened out (meeting on Wednesday with Homestead Financial - for great mortgage rates call 800-GRANNY-8!), we decided that only one of us would go and, so that Lorelei doesn't have a freak out like she does when she is awake past eight pm, the other person would stay home with her. A little bit more exposition for you: we're finally going to get a joint checking account and since I haven't worked since August, I have many checks sitting unused in a box. A lot of checks. Because I had just spent thirty bucks to buy the cute Humane Society kitty and puppy checks maybe two months before I quit working.

Everyone still with me?

So, Brian says he would write a check for me for the entrance fee but then I said I could do it because, duh, I have a million checks and I actually have money in my account right now. Then I got the crazy idea that I should write out checks for a dollar each and then when I show up on Saturday I would give them twenty checks. Genius, right?

But Brian won this round. He suggested that maybe we should do that when we, hypothetically because it's never going to happen, go to a strip club. Have a bunch of one dollar checks and tell the stripper that she can fill her own name in.

We're special.

A Sign I'm Becoming My Mother

Let's get one thing straight right off the bat: I love my mother. Sure, we haven't always got along, but in general she is pretty awesome. But I have always said that when I was older and had kids of my own that I wouldn't turn into her. I think everyone says that although the transformation is probably inevitable.

When I was growing up, most of the clothes we bought were from the sale rack. My mother knew when they were about to mark down merchandise and would be there first thing in the morning to troll the racks. There is nothing wrong with this at all. But I've never been able to get into it. I think I am too overwhelmed by the disorder and complete randomness. I like it when things are arranged neatly by style and color, I don't like a jumble. Don't even get me started on those box sales. I think I start breaking out into hives whenever I even attempt those.

I have changed my ways. Especially with a baby, it seems stupid to spend full price on clothes for her when she'll only be wearing them for a few months. Today, I bought her a winter coat. On sale. For next winter. Because, guess what, it doesn't matter if it's "in style" or not. It's a coat. For a baby.

Overheard in the Lewis Household

Yesterday evening after putting Lorelei to bed at a shockingly early nine pm, Brian and I snuggled down in bed for some good ol' fashioned cuddle time. You know what I mean, right? That time where you're just lying there in the dark and whispering quietly about random and stupid stuff. I love cuddle time. So, for some reason, Brian was telling me just the punch lines to jokes. Potatoes! and Only Hugh can prevent florist friars. If you have ever been subjected to Brian telling these jokes, I'm sorry. So I come back with the groan worthy, A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says, 'What is this a joke or something?'

As reigning champion of horrible jokes, Brian couldn't let that slide and had to come back with his own. A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar and the priest asks the rabbi, 'Have you have tried bacon?' And the rabbi says, 'Sure, once. Have you ever, you know, had sex?' And the priests answers, 'Once. Before I was ordained.' The rabbi says, 'Better than bacon, isn't it?' I'll let you all groan for a second...

Done? Of course this joke lead to the question, "Sex with me is better than bacon, right?"

"Well, bacon is reeeaaally good," I replied. And then I was craving bacon all night long.

The End

Celebrating the Small Victories

I honestly never thought I would get this excited about making the bed. Or folding laundry. Or unloading/loading the dishwasher. But I am. Ridiculously excited. After a week of pure crap and the feeling of ice picks being hammered into my skull; today, I celebrate the small victories. The chores that actually get done, the baby who goes down easily for a nap, the legs that get shaved. (There's a nice mental picture for you all, over a week's worth of hair growth on my legs. Sexy.)

Tomorrow, when everything goes down hill again, I'll be back to whining. But for today, I'm feeling good.

This Week in Books 1/20-1/26

Whoops. Forgot to do this yesterday because - well, let's face it - yesterday sucked giant donkey balls.

Leviathan

By Scott Westerfeld

Pages: 440

In all honesty, I can't decide if I love this book or just have generally positive feelings about it. In a nutshell, its a steam punk alternative history of World War I. Yes, you read that right. It's an interesting concept and he's come up with some pretty cool inventions/ideas, but I'm just not sold on it yet. Plus, I really hate it when books end in such a way that it is obvious there is a sequel coming. Like really obvious. It almost felt like the book wasn't completely finished. Oh well, will probably have to wait awhile for the sequel. One more book to read by him and then I'll be all Westerfelded out.

Dead Until Dark

By Charlaine Harris

Pages: 292

Ugh. I can't believe I actually willingly read this. Okay, it wasn't that bad. The writing was pretty juvenile. I thought we had gotten past the need to describe in detail what everyone is wearing. Vomit. And the sex scenes sucked. And not in a sucked vampire blood way. In an oh-my-god-I-can't-believe-someone-writes-sex-like-this-way. Also, was it really necessary. I'm all for romance novels with lots of sex in them, because that's what they're all about, but this is pretending to be a mystery novel, it just doesn't work for me. Also, doesn't do it for me.

At the Edge

Of my sanity.

I am a strong self-sufficient woman, right? Well, perhaps not. I won't lie, in the past eight and a half years (holy crap!), I've become pretty dependent on Brian. Not in a THE-WORLD-WILL-END-IF-HE'S-NOT-THERE kind of way, but I have gotten used to him being around to pick up the slack. And, let's be honest, keep me from descending into a pit of depression and self-pity. He's good at that sort of thing.

Unfortunately, he's been gone since early Thursday morning. (Yeah, yeah. I know its only been five days, but this is the longest he's been gone since Lorelei was born.) Thursday itself was not so bad. Fortunately for my flu-like self, baby was generally well-behaved and as inclined to sleep as I was. Friday sucked the big one. But I've already mentioned that and last night and this morning have pretty much killed me. I don't know. Lorelei and I - or so I thought - had reached something of an understanding. Up by nine, nap around noon, bed by eight-thirty. Oh no. That was just not going to happen.

So I yelled at my two-month old. I feel like a horrible horrible mother. I know I shouldn't have done it, but she was just frustrating me so much. On top of which, the cats have been driving me crazy and I just really need a break. Five minutes to myself. Thank goodness Brian is home in about six hours because I don't think I can make it much longer.

Blink Blink Blink

A blinking cursor. Mocking me. You don't have anything interesting to say, it's telling me. Who really wants to hear the mundane details of your boring little life?

Blink blink blink.

Sometimes, I listen to that annoying little cursor and I close my new post window without writing a single thing. Sometimes, I don't.

I remind myself that this blog is as much for me as it is for anyone else. I want to be able to look back, many years from now, and remember what it was like. Remember when my daughter was just a tiny baby. Remember the mundane and stupid details of my life. Maybe I'll never do anything truly spectacular. Maybe I'll never publish a book. Maybe I'll only be remembered as a mother. I'm trying to accept that. I still want to remember

---

In that spirit. A brief recap of this past weekend in bullet form

• Lorelei completely freaked out on me Friday night. Everything I did made here scream. I would try to feed her, she would scream. I would change her, she would scream. I would try to put her in her crib, she would scream. I would hold her, she would scream. I was so close to losing it since I was at home by myself, but by some miracle and after many tears - hers and mine - she still was in bed by ten. Phew.
• Saturday I managed to leave the house and run a few errands before noon. A miracle considering the night before. I also managed to do a bit of cleaning because...
• Julie came over to knit. Whee! We watched Zoolander and Elf and Lorelei spent most of that time napping so I managed to get mostly done with one of my belated Christmas scarves.
• Yesterday was pretty chill. Took a three hour nap - probably accounts for all the trouble I had getting baby to go to sleep last night - and then hung out with Desiree for a few hours.
• It's worth noting that I have some pretty awesome friends. They knew I was going to be pretty lonely and stressed with Brian being gone and me being sick (I'm much better now, thank you) and I had lots of offers for help and company.
• Thirty-six hours till husband returns. I really miss him.

An Open Letter to the People of St Louis

Dear St Louis,

I loathe despise hate have generally negative feelings about you. Well. Not you. I like you as a city. You have such wonderful institutions like Companion and the Cupcakery and Mississippi Mud. My library is in an awesome old building and not old in that built in the 70's way. And then there's those Cardinals. I can even look past your pathetic excuse for a public transportation system. But there's just something about you.

1) You have a complete disregard for traffic laws

Now, I have never claimed to be the best driver on the planet and I do speed and, occasionally, I will run a yellow light. But you seem to believe that 70 is not fast enough when the speed limit is 55. Or that 55 is not fast enough when there is still ice on the roads. You tailgate instead of passing until you can't take it anymore and then you'll whip around and cut people off. Or you'll cut people off because you didn't see the three signs for your off-ramp and have to triple lane change to make it. You run red lights. Like really run them. Not just it was yellow and then it turned red while you were in the intersection but it was red and the two cars in front of you also ran the light.

2) You think the street is a parking lot.

As in, instead of pulling over to the side of the road to drop someone off or wait to pick someone up, you just stop in the middle of the street. Frequently even if there is a space not ten feet away. And then when you see another car pulling up behind you, instead of moving you continue to have an argument with your baby mama in the middle of the street. You pull up at a stop sign and someone will run up to your car (probably to make a drug deal) and you completely disregard the fact that there is someone behind you at the stop sign. Now, I recognize it may seem like we're in the suburbs because its mostly residences, but we're not. This is still the city and the streets are too narrow for you to do that.

3) You honk your car horns too much.

Instead of getting out of the car and going up to someone's house, you honk your horn. Repeatedly. Over a several minute period. Did you ever thank that perhaps they weren't home or didn't know it was them you were honking for? Perhaps you should just knock on their door.

4) You have arguments in the middle of the street.

Sometimes late at night. Like 3 in the morning late. Much like your car honking, is it really necessary to do this outside on your front porch or in the street? Wouldn't it be better to go inside and fight with your baby mama.

5) You think it's okay to blast your car stereo late into the night while your friends hang out in their front yard smoking weed.

I've told you this before. But not everyone likes rap music and not everyone wants it blasted at them from a car that is parked less than twenty feet from their house. And we especially don't like it when you do it until midnight or later. And I can smell your weed. Seriously. Go inside and do that.

6) You invented Imo's.

Seriously. That is the most disgusting pizza on the face of the planet. It is a sin against nature. Why would you do such a thing?

So I hope you'll understand St Louis that I can only ever consider myself a temporary resident. I don't think it's wise for us to pursue a long term relationship since you and I both know I will always be on the look out for something better. I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship.

Love,

Me

Bitch Bitch Moan Moan

Can I whine for a minute? Of course I can. This is my blog and if you don't want to read my whining, you don't have to.

I hate my body. Not that way I look - although there is room for improvement - but the way my body works. I can't ever seem to catch a break. Every Christmas I get sick. Like really really don't-wake-me-up-for-five-days-and-maybe-I'll-be-better sick. It's usually the flu or something flu-like - or in 2008, an intestinal parasite - but this year I got lucky and just had a very minor cold. Which, unfortunately, I gave to Lorelei. I thought, maybe getting that seasonal flu vaccine was a good idea and maybe I should do it again even though I don't plan on being pregnant again for a few years. But, no! My body, she hates me. I've had a migraine-y type headache for the last couple of weeks; but I didn't think anything of it because headaches are a common side effect of the medication I'm on and I figured my higher dosage was screwing with my system. Yesterday, I took my nap as per usual and Lorelei actually cooperated and slept for almost two blissful hours but when I woke up, I felt like I had been hit by a bus. I shrugged it off because my friend was coming over and we were going out for milkshakes (how very 1950's of us) and I thought well maybe it's just a sleep hangover. Does anyone else get those? Where you actually get a really good nap in but when you wake up you almost feel worse than before you went to sleep.

Where was I?

Oh yes. Felt like I was hit by a bus. Sore all over. My neck hurt. Etc etc. And then the chills came. Oh fun. My favorite part of being sick is the feeling of not being able to get warm enough and then sweating profusely. Fun. I kid you not I was under a down comforter a quilt and an extremely warm throw blanket and I was still freezing. And the shaking. Oh my god. I felt like...well, I felt like I did after giving birth, like a weak thing that could barely move.

On top of all this, Brian left this morning for a five day trip to Cleveland and Pittsburgh. So, feel like dying and husband gone and oh yeah two month old. Two month old who was a serious drama queen and didn't fall asleep until 11 last night. Kill me now.

Oh. And said two month old spent most of this afternoon freaking out about something although I don't know what and wouldn't take an effing nap. Is it Tuesday yet?

This Week in Books 1/13-1/19

I'm going to try this new thing where I document what I've read each week along with a few comments so that I have some record of what and how much I've read and for any of my readers if they are curious.

Extras

Scott Westerfeld

Pages: 417

This is technically the fourth book in a series (and yes I have read the other 3) but it reads well on its own. In fact, I would almost recommend reading this one by itself instead of with the other Uglies books. Although some of the characters from the first three do reappear in this one, they are not the central characters and I find the story doesn't mesh as well with the other books. That being said, it was still a great read. Very fast paced and an interesting commentary on today's society. Without giving too much away, the society depicted in the book is based on fame in which where you live and what you can buy is based on how popular you are. Can you say Twitter anyone?

Liar

Justine Larbalestier

Pages: 384

So funny thing. The authors of the two books I read this week are married. Heh. Anywho. The narrator of this book is a liar. She admits it in the first sentence. If you can't stand unreliable narrators, this is not a book for you. But if you like a bit of a mystery and you like to be left wondering what exactly is happening, I highly recommend it. I'm still going "what the fuck" and I finished it several days ago.

Can I Gloat?

I have a freakin' adorable daughter. She's so curious and active and she loves her zebra. Stop growing up so fast!

I've Got That Itch...

No. Not that kind. The itch to move again. I love my house. I really do. Unfortunately, I think it has almost reached the point where - without some major remodeling - it's just not going to work for our little family anymore. It has one bedroom. One! In the middle of the house with no doors. Which is why our bedroom is actually in the basement. A few years ago, when we were looking to buy our first house, we looked at a converted duplex that, at the time, was out of our price range. Guess what? It's on the market again for a mere $24,000. I wonder what kind of horrible damage has been done to the interior in the last four years (there are no pictures of the inside on the website). But if it's not too bad, perhaps it would be worth it to move. Then we would have a bedroom with a door and a bedroom for Lorelei. Want to see it, then click here.

I've definitely got that itch.

There Are Moments

There are moments when I am paralyzed with fear. Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into? There are moments when I wish with all my might that I could rewind the last year because I am so not ready to be a mother. What the hell am I doing? I'm not working - a fact that I am sure many other mothers out there would damn me for - but I still find it hard to juggle everything. How do I take care of an infant and keep house and keep doing the things I love to do? I can count on one hand the number of hours I've had to myself since she was born. The longest stretch was when I went for a massage - with travel time a grand total of 2 hours - and I honestly felt guilty about it.

There are moments where I don't feel like myself anymore. As if the only thing I am is a mother. I don't want to deny that part of myself, and I recognize that being a mother is going to be huge part of my life. But that's not all I am. I am a woman who loves to read, who loves to write, who loves to take photographs. A woman who loves to play stupid video games with her husband, who loves to watch stupid movies. Someone who loves to sit quietly with a cup of coffee (or tea) in a quiet coffee shop somewhere with a book or a laptop. Those things that I love don't seem to fit in anymore.

I knew that it would be like this. I knew that I would have a much harder time adjusting than a lot of other women but this last week has been one of the roughest yet. I hide it pretty well I think. From everyone except for Brian. But sometimes I think he doesn't know how hard it is for me. I cry.

Then there are these moments which make it all worth it. Which remind me how much I love baby Lorelei and how I couldn't imagine my life being any different. It's just going to take me some time.

How We Can Help

I don't watch the news. I admit it. The reason I generally don't watch the news is because when ever I do there is always a story about something terrible happening in the world. I know. Ignoring it, won't make it go away. Hearing about what is happening in Haiti makes me sick to my stomach. Here is a country that was already struggling. According to Wikipedia (and yes I looked it up), it is the poorest country in the Americas and eighty percent of the population was living in poverty. Most Haitians live on $2 a day or less. This earthquake has completely devastated the country with the Red Cross estimating at least 3 million people were affected by it.

So. Here's what we can do. One of my favorite bloggers to stalk read is encouraging everyone to leave a comment on her post for the day and she will donate $1 for every comment. She even wants her readers with blogs to send people over. So that's what I'm doing. Go and comment on her post here. She has links to other people who are doing the same. And although my readership is small and I'm sure the husband will kill me for doing this without asking first, if I can get at least ten comments, we will donate $10. That is unfortunately the most I can do right now.

For more ways to help, see this article on CNN. Or you can write your own post. Link to me. Link to her. Let's see what we can do!

EDIT: Didn't reach ten comments by midnight. Sad panda. But since I'm not heartless, I've already donated my ten dollars to the Red Cross.

Cross One Off the List

I have procured a library card! Actually, I have been meaning to get one for the last week, but it never seemed like a good time what with the snow and single digit temperatures. But tonight was the night! The husband and I took the baby with us to the library on south Grand. If you haven't been, it is a very nice library and considerably better looking and cleaner than the one back home in Vancouver, but the fiction section smells vaguely of feces. That's right feces. It's not a particularly strong smell, but it's there and it sort of detracts from the overall niceness of the building. I might have said something mean and slightly inappropriate about why it smelled to Brian, but I won't repeat it here. You all can just imagine what it is I could have said.

So. Where was I? Oh, yes. I have a library card now and I checked out three books. Yes, three and I have two more that I requested because they were checked out from that location. That is five books which I will attempt to finish reading before the first week of February. If you are curious I got Extras and Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld, Coraline by Neil Gaiman, JPod by Douglas Coupland and Liar by Justine Larbalestier. And yes I know four of the five are considered "Young Adult," but I just can't help myself.

On a related note: I have finished reading my first book since September! It was Up Till Now: The Autobiography by William Shatner. Truly high class reading. It was actually not that bad and there were both some truly funny and truly touching moments. I admit, I started tearing up when he was talking about the tragic death of his third wife. And the story about the skunk, tomato juice and an EMT is worth the price of the book. Hilarious! I am using too many exclamation marks!

Nine Weeks

Dear Lorelei,

Just a few hours ago, you officially became nine weeks old. Congratulations! I cannot believe it has already been two months since you were born, it feels like just yesterday I was lying in labor and delivery with my feet up in the air...wait, too gross. Moving on.

Little girl. Little peanut. Little bit. You awe me. Every single day. You are so curious about the world around you, always looking about. Right now you are attempting to knock over the toy bar on your Merry Monkey Gym. So cute. It feels weird to take you out places and it feels like people are always giving me weird looks, but you like it. Remember in the Climatron you made that weird cross-eyed face when we first got there. It was as if you were saying, "What is this shit?" Although, perhaps with slightly less vulgar language.

So. What has happened in the last two months. You met the majority of your relatives. Grandma and Grandpa Lewis were here just after you were born. They cooked and cleaned and helped mommy and daddy through those first few rough days when you were hungry all the time and refused to be put down. Then Mam-Ma and Pap-Pa were here for two and a half weeks. They cooked and cleaned too. And Pap-Pa held you a lot. He loved snuggling with his grandbaby. Then before Christmas we went to Toledo and you met your great aunts and great-grandma. You were such a good baby on the drive there, but the hotel really freaked you out. That first night you didn't want to sleep because you were too busy crying.

You went to two - count 'em: two - Christmas parties. You were so well behaved and even let others hold you and play with you. Then you had your first Christmas. Although you slept through all of the gift opening, including the traditional one gift on Christmas Eve, at least you got snow on your first Christmas. And although mommy and daddy were both kind of sick we still had a good time. We even went to the Botanical Gardens the next day and daddy got to share his love of model trains with you.

What else? You've started to smile. All the time. It makes me so happy when you smile at me. This cute little grin. And you make the cutest little happy noises.

Time seems to be flying by. Fast forwarding. I can't wait for you to start crawling and walking and talking and all that, but I'm really going to miss these first few months when you were so tiny and everything was new.

I love you so much,

Your Mother

Snow Day

I miss snow days. I miss the anticipation - watching the news channel to see if maybe, just maybe, my school would be among the ones closed. Then, after a blissful extra couple hours of sleep, my mother would awaken me. We would have bacon and eggs and biscuits. You know, the things we would only eat on the weekend because there was just no time in the morning. I would pull on my snow pants - you know, the oh-so-attractive overalls - and about five layers of shirts and long underwear and huge ski gloves. I would meet my friends Lily and Rachel (we all lived within walking distance of one another) and we would make snowmen or get into a snowball fight with our brothers. Building a fort. Maybe, if it was a really good snow, we would take trash bags and go sledding down the hill by Lily's house. This was before they added the new development. Usually, one of us would end up in a ditch but we still did it. And then, after we had worn ourselves out and every piece of clothing was soaked through we would curl up on the couch at one of our houses (usually Lily's because they were wealthy and had a bigger house) and one of our mom's would make us hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and we would watch Disney movies. I miss snow days.

Today, we had an unofficial snow day in our house since Brian's boss told them not to come in if the weather was bad. We snuggled at home. Had pancakes and drank coffee. Didn't get dressed until almost noon. Baby and I snuggled in bed all afternoon and Brian worked on his laptop. It was glorious. But I can't wait until I get to purchase snow pants for my own daughter and her and her friends get to build snowmen and get into snowball fights and ride trash bags down a hill. And I'll be the mom who waits at home with hot chocolate and extra marshmallows, cookies and Disney movies.

If I Had a Million Dollars...

What would you do with a million dollars? Me? I know exactly what I would do. First I would pay off both mine and Brian's student loans. Then it would be credit cards and then the car. And after all that, if there was a decent amount left, I would buy us a new house. Then I would be set. Sure, there are things I want but I just can't imagine spending large amounts of money on them. I don't get the whole designer clothes and shoes and purses thing. I have two Coach bags which I bought at the outlet store at the lake and neither of them are obviously Coach. I like it that way. I don't like it when people judge me based on what I spend my money on. Sure, I like nice things and I like to look nice and put together when I leave the house, but I can do that just as easily spending a hundred dollars as I can spending a thousand. So, what would I do with the leftover money? I would give it away.

Ever since graduating from Wash U, I've known that eventually I want to be able to afford to have a scholarship in my name because I know I would never have been able to attend such a good school without one.

I would want to help my friends. I know it sounds weird and I know that most of my friends would probably turn down any help, but if I could...if I had that million...that's what I'd want to do. Too many of my friends live paycheck to paycheck. Too many of them feel guilty when they buy something nice for themselves because they've worked hard and they deserve it because they feel like they should save that money for bills. It's just not fair.

But I don't have a million dollars. So, all of this will just have to wait.

Dear St Louis Weather

You and I used to have an okay relationship. Sure, I whined when it was 100 degrees outside and I had to walk half a mile from my parking spot to work in air that was basically soup. Or when I had to walk to finals in several inches of snow and below freezing wind chill. But, I thought we had an understanding. This summer, you were so pleasant for the majority of the time. I got to laugh at all the people I knew back home who were sweltering in their 100-plus heat for a week with no air-conditioning because it's never that hot in Washington. When Lorelei was born in November, instead of being cold and snowy, you were mild and sunny. And then you graced daughter's first Christmas with snow. That was nice. What happened? Why did you decide to all of a sudden bitch slap me with highs in the low teens? What have I ever done to deserve this? I think my toes are permanently frozen from my trip to the dentist yesterday. If you are going to be this cold, could you at least snow some so there is something pretty to look at and play in. I mean, I don't have anywhere to be, so being stuck inside is cool with me.

Well, consider this relationship over. St Louis weather: I hate you.

Love,

Me

A Perfect Moment

Lorelei has started to smile now. Like real smiles. This afternoon, because I was tired and she was a bit fussy, we cuddled in bed together. She would smile and reach out to me. It was a perfect moment. And then she pooped.