This post has been kicking around in my brain for the last week, which might have something to do with my rather light posting recently. But ever since my mini-breakdown last Monday night - trust me, you don't want to know the details - this is something that has really been bothering me.
At the risk of sounding all woe-is-me-my-life-sucks-so-much: I am a terrible friend. Well, terrible at keeping friends. I hate to text. I hate to talk on the phone. And I am probably the worst person to send an e-mail to since I always forget to reply. Thank goodness for things like Facebook and Twitter but even with the wonders of modern technology, I still suck at it. It's a great way to sorta kinda know what people who I used to be much closer with are up to these days but it also makes me feel extremely guilty for not keeping in better touch with everyone. If you don't live in the same city as me, it is quite possible that we aren't going to keep in touch and if you do live in the same city, there is still no guarantee. There are friends of mine who I rarely see and when I do it is never planned. For example, I was at that mall and saw that my friend Sarah had started working at [redacted] again and I had no clue.
Or here's another thing, seeing that a guy I had a crush on in high school (if you're reading this, Hi Aaron!) is facebook friends with my brother and then I got all weird and self-conscious and fretted for three days about whether or not I should friend him because even though we're both married with kids I still felt like that awkward fourteen year old and worried that he would deny my friend request. Or that he would think I was some kind of weird stalker loser. I don't know how to start talking to him again but I would really like to because, hey he has kids too and maybe that would make me feel less totally weird about having a baby.
That's another thing. I have started to feel increasingly more isolated now that I've had Lorelei. Not because I don't have really great friends who are incredibly eager to help me out in anyway that they can, but I don't have anyone I'm really close to who is also a mother - since I can't really count my best friend from elementary school since she lives all the way in England now. I really wish there was someone out there either here or on the interwebs that I could connect with. Who would say, "Yeah, sometimes parenthood sucks but it's going to get better." I don't know how to go about making friends with people on-line. I know there are people out there who do it but I don't get it. Should I keep commenting on their blogs and twitter and hope that maybe one day they'll notice me and say, "You seem not loser-y at all. Let's be friends." I want that.
Okay, yeah. It's taken me a whole day to write this and now I feel weird so if you've stuck with me through the end of this, suggestions are welcome.
5 comments:
Wish I was closer so I could give you a big hug! I've been in Wichita for 4 years now and I have a total of one real friend who I see maybe every 3 months if we're lucky enough to get on her calendar. Believe me, I've had my share of sit-on-the-floor-bawling-woe-is-me-I-have-even-less-of-a-life-than-before fests once the kids came. Both times. Now my social life usually revolves around smiling at the Walmart greeter on my way to get groceries. It's tough to suddenly be a whole new person you don't recognize with another new person literally attached at your hip and no one to commiserate with. The only thing that I've found that helps is joining a couple local playgroups that I found at meetup.com. There seem to be a few in St. Louis: http://www.meetup.com/find/?keywords=mom&country=us&locationPickerRef=0&dbCo=us&dbOutsideUsLink=&dbZip=63130&zip=63130&op=search&resetgeo=true&style=&submitButton=Search&radius=25 if you've got time and Lorelai has clearance to check them out. I haven't made any friends perse, but it has at least given me someone to chat with about night time wakings, where to find a babysitter, etc which is nice given the level of vocabulary usually used in our house. Maybe that'll help? In the meantime I'm trying to remember that before I know it the kids will be in school and I'll have time to once again pursue 'big people' interests and maybe meet people again. Best of luck! Feel free to whine at me any time (if you ever check my facebook status, you'll see me do it alllllll the time). *hug*
Making friends online is awesome, scary, humbling and well, awesome. The first year I was online with my blog I read a dozen blogs or so. And I commented on one and I thought "that's a great comment, she'll totally reply" but she didn't. And I felt embarrassed...or some variation of that because I responded to what she wrote, I told her so, shouldn't she have to acknowledge me back?!?! I decided to just get over myself and I started commenting and reading and reading who other people were reading. And then one day I met a girl who over the course of the last two years has become my very best friend.
I think the best thing about making friends with people online is that you're picking people that you already like...and you're totally not losery at all. I'd totally call you a friend :-)
Thanks for the virtual hugs guys! I feel a little better. And Cass, I'm glad you'd call me a friend, I hope one day we get to meet in person.
I know just how you feel. Ever since I moved down to southern California (since college really) I have struggled to make friends. Where do people even meet people to hang out with?! My husband also feels the same sense of isolation too. I don't really have any substantive suggestions for you, but you are not alone
I'm glad you started commenting on my blog! And though I just started reading yours, I appreciate everything you've taken the time to write and comment on.
Regarding your comment on my blog, BlogHER is not just for "cool" people or "big bloggers". It's for everyone and I hope that even if you don't end up going that one day, we do get to meet!
Social Media has given me a community when I didn't think I had one.
And as far as Facebook goes, it can suck an egg. I hate it and NEVER use it.
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